


Being Drugged

by orphan_account



Category: Johnny's Entertainment, Sexy Zone
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-03
Updated: 2014-04-03
Packaged: 2018-01-18 01:29:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,869
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1409977
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fuma accidentally finding Kento's notebook, and all that happens after.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Being Drugged

**Author's Note:**

> Hey everyone!  
> This grew longer than I expected it to XD Anyways, I guess I like how it turned out, and I hope you will, too!  
> Also, thanks to Jen, Michelle and Jojo, who all helped with this fic in their own way :)

Fuma’s POV

“Damn” I groaned as I bumped into the chair Kento had dropped his bag on, sending it flying to the floor and spreading all its contents halfway across the dressing room. I sighed, peeking to the door to check if I was still alone before kneeling down to collect Kento’s belongings. 

“Why does he carry around so much stuff, anyways” I grumbled to myself as I found deodorant, mask, ipod and the case of his glasses, sighing in relief when I saw that they had not been damaged by the fall. I groaned when I had to lie flat on the floor to fish for the lip balm that had rolled under the couch. Why did he have to be such a girl?! Really, he could spontaneously leave the country with all these things. There was medicine, styling devices, a cap to hide under, accessories, a pencil case, and who the hell was still using a handwritten calendar when we got all our meeting invitations sent via cell phone?! 

I had almost everything collected and stuffed into his bag again when my eyes fell onto a little notebook. I sighed as I picked it up, making a face when various papers fell out

in the process. 

I kneeled down to gather them, but froze in my movements seeing that most of them were photos. 

Photos of _me_ , to be exact, or of Kento and me together, some of them old and battered, others relatively new. 

My heart was hammering uncomfortably against my chest as I picked them up one by one, opening the notebook to put them back inside, only to have my eyes widening as I saw what he had written onto the pages. 

I had known that Kento was writing poems, though he had never showed them to me and I had never asked to see them, but when my gaze caught on my name between lines of words that were obviously never meant for the public eye to see, _especially_ not for me, I felt a little dizzy, my mind unwilling to comprehend what all of this meant. 

I stood up a little shakily, putting the bag onto the chair again but keeping the notebook in hand, slowly flipping through the pages. 

I was only drawn out of my trance when I heard Sou laugh in the corridor, and then there were footsteps approaching, and in my panic, I closed the notebook and slipped it into a pocket of my baggy pants, getting as far away from Kento’s things as possible. 

When Sou and Kento entered the room, laughing and fooling around, I was busying myself with my phone, and none of them paid any attention to me. 

When Kento dug through the bag for tissues, complaining about hay fever, he seemed to find nothing out of place, but that did not calm down my racing heart beat. 

The notebook felt almost blazingly hot in my pocket, but I did not dare to reach for it again until I was safely locked in my room hours later. I had used my way home to convince myself that I had misunderstood the meaning of whatever I had seen. Kento and I were good friends, and he was sentimental, so carrying around photos of me did not necessarily have to mean anything. Also, those poems did not need to be connected to me, and my name could have slipped into the pages for completely different reasons, and…

But I only needed to skim through the pages for a few minutes, now alone and without any haste, to realize that there was not much to misunderstand. The romantic poems, as beautiful as they were under the layer of cheesiness that only Kento could produce, did not only scream my name from the contents, some of them even _mentioned_ my name. The couple of photos that had fallen out earlier were random snapshots, some of us together, but mostly of me, some of which I did not even know they existed. 

I bit my lip as I read through a poem that described the patterns of my smiles, and closed the notebook slowly, not sure if I was able to take any more of this. I buried my face in my hand, trying to will myself to think through the mess of emotions and panic that clouded my mind.

So, Kento was obviously in love with me. Had already been for quite a while, according to what I had just read. 

… What now?

I hesitantly pulled one of the photos out of the notebook, the most recent one, taken directly after the countdown concert at the beginning of the year. I had my arm around Kento’s shoulder, and both of us were grinning, still high from the performance, and looking at it made everything inside of me tighten. 

What did I feel for Kento? To be honest, I had never considered anything more than friendship. For one, I had never been into guys, and had never had a reason to doubt my sexuality. Also, Kento had always been this weird mix between brotherly figure and socially clumsy friend who looked out for me but needed looking out for in equal measures. 

He was important to me, I could not deny that. Not only did I depend on him professionally in a way that made it feel wrong whenever he was not on stage with me, but also did I automatically search for his input in my life whenever I was thinking about important things. 

I not so fondly remembered that period last year when Kento and I had not talked to each other, when various miscommunications had made us clash and keep our distance for almost months at a time. I had felt incredibly lost back then, but it had been nothing against the way Kento had seemed positively lonely whenever I had caught a glimpse of him, and now it made sense to me, just like the tears he had shed when we had finally made up. 

If possible, we had grown even closer after that fight, and not only had I relaxed more around him, even making an effort to call him by his first name again because he had mentioned that it bothered him, but also I kept thinking that we had some kind of bond with each other, that there was more connecting us than what connected me with the other members, or even my friends outside the band. 

It sounded fishy when I thought about it like this, but I had tried not to ponder about it any more than necessary. And it had worked so well in the last few months, with us going as strong as never before, and if anything, I wanted this to continue, because I liked being friends with Kento, liked being by his side, and enjoyed the time I spent with him. 

But knowing what Kento felt changed everything. I could not just ignore it because that would be unfair to him, and the last thing I wanted was to play him in any way, or give him hopes that would maybe never be answered. 

But the thought of turning Kento down almost hurt me physically. I did not want to be the one hurting him. I did not want Kento to be hurt by anyone or anything, and especially not by something I did. I vividly remembered his tears a few months ago, and I was not prepared to see them again. 

But the only other option was to be with him. 

I stared at the photo in front of me, trying to give it a serious thought. 

Could I return Kento’s feelings? What was it that I felt for him exactly?

I liked him, but I was not sure if it was the kind of “like” he wanted from me. I had not been with many girls in the past (though surely with more than Kento), and to none of them I had felt a connection as deep as to him, this much was for sure. But I had always put friends before girls anyways. 

But could I imagine touching Kento, holding his hand or kissing him, or at some point even sleeping with him? Because that was what a relationship entailed. 

I kept staring at his face in the picture, but my mind was blank. I had no idea what to do or think. 

***

I had still not come to a conclusion when I arrived at work the next afternoon, despite having been up all night doing nothing but pondering. Thankfully Shori and Sou were in some kind of discussion and Mari kept stealing Sou’s lunch without him noticing, so no one paid any attention to me. And well, even if they had, me being over exhausted was nothing new, strictly speaking. I could just lie and say I had been up late doing homework. 

When Kento finally arrived, though, he seemed weirdly troubled as well. He shot immediately to his desk within our dressing room, opening drawers and kneeling down to peek under it, and I bit my lip as it dawned on me what he was doing.

“What’s up, Kento-Kun?”Marius asked with a frown. “Are you searching something?”

“Um” Kento murmured, looking up at them nervously. “Has anyone seen a small blue and violet notebook? I seem to have lost it somewhere…”

“No” Mari blinked, looking at Sou and Shori, who just shook their heads. I quickly turned away, not sure what Kento would see in my face if our eyes met now. 

Kento was anxious all day, and knowing what was written in the notebook, I could tell how freaked out he must be about not finding it. If this fell into the wrong hands and was traced back to him it could mean a scandal, after all.

I knew that I had to act as soon as possible, that I had to give it back to him so he would at least not drive himself into hysterics about it. But on the other hand, this also meant that I would have to give him an answer, and I did not have one yet. 

I ended up keeping the notebook for a whole week longer. I knew that it was really unfair, but I had no idea what to tell to him, and the longer I thought about it, the more confusing my thoughts became. 

It was on Sunday night, that I finally decided _to hell with it_. I had gone out with girls I had had far less feelings for than I had for Kento, hadn’t I? And sure, those girl’s feelings had probably not been as deep as Kento’s either, but on the other hand, no matter what I did I would end up hurting him. Ignoring him, turning him down… None of these would make him happy. And sure, if we went out with each other and it ended up not working out, it would hurt him, too, but there was still the chance that it _would_ work out. And that chance was worth trying for, wasn’t it?

When I came to work on Monday afternoon, I asked Kento right away if he would go eat dinner with me later on. He seemed a little stunned by my straight out question, but still agreed. It was nothing unusual for us to go have dinner together from time to time, after all. Only maybe he could tell something was up from my nervous fidgeting, or the way I avoided his eyes. 

“Fuma, what is wrong?” Kento asked finally when we were both hovering over our Ramen, eating in silence. “You are acting weird and it’s scaring me.”

I carefully swallowed my mouthful of noodles before looking up at him, taking a deep breath and collecting the courage to reach into my bag and pull out the notebook. I pushed it towards him over the table wordlessly, and Kento blinked at first, before his eyes widened in shock. 

“I am sorry I did not give it back earlier” I murmured, and my voice sounded slightly choked. I tried to clear it awkwardly. 

“Did you look inside?” Kento whispered, obviously horrified. He kept his eyes glued to the notebook on the table, not daring to meet my eyes.

“Yes” I admitted finally. “Does it… mean what I think it does?”

Kento did not answer, just worrying his lower lip between his teeth in what seemed like the beginnings of a panic attack. It kind of made me wish I had never addressed the subject.

“Kento” I sighed, leaning slightly over the table to try catch his eyes, but he did not do me the favor of looking up. “Please, it’s okay if it does. Just tell me.”

“We both know that it’s not ‘okay’” Kento murmured, shaking his head as he leant back in his chair, still looking at his half-finished Ramen instead of me. “You were never supposed to know.” he added, very softly.

“Since when?” I could not help but ask, and Kento shrugged awkwardly.   
“Since forever, really?” he returned. “Long enough that you could say I am used to it.”

I grimaced at those words, not liking them at all. Kento picked exactly that moment to look up at me, and the dejection in his face clawed at my heart. 

“I am… sorry if it makes things weird” he gulped. “You don’t need to do anything about it. I swear I will never act on it, so maybe, if we could just stay friends like we were until now, that would be-”

“Kento, stop babbling!” I interrupted him, because really, I felt like I could not take one more word from his mouth. “I have not given an answer yet.”

“But you will turn me down” Kento blinked, making me frown. “Of course you will. You don’t feel this way about me. And you are not gay.”

“Um” I said dumbly. “Well… but…”

“I _know_ you, Fuma” Kento said firmly. “I have been watching you ridiculously closely for _years_. I would know if you saw me as more than a friend.” 

“Well, I didn’t” I agreed, trying to focus my thoughts enough to form them into sentences. “But… you are important to me, and… Ever since I read those things, I don’t know anymore. I think I might feel something, if I let myself.”

Kento did not seem to know what to say to that, and I caught his eyes pointedly before murmuring: “Let’s try. Let’s go on a date and see where it goes. If it doesn’t work, that’s that. And if it does work,... well…” I shifted uncomfortably in my seat when Kento still didn’t answer. 

“Are you serious?!” Kento finally blurted out, looking totally incredulous.

“Yes” I nodded, and I could feel that my face was red and I just wanted to flee because I was not good at this _at all_ , but I had said that I would do this, and I would keep to my word. 

“But-” Kento started to protest, holding in when I shook my head vehemently, picking up my chopsticks again to continue eating.

“One date” I repeated. “And afterwards we will decide what to do. End of discussion.”

Kento just continued staring at me, completely flabberghasted, but at least he was not looking devastated anymore and there were no tears, so I counted it as a success.

***

We had our date the next Friday. We had both neither university nor work that day, which happened like once every 10 months maybe, so it was too good an opportunity to let it pass.

“I will pick you up at half past seven tomorrow morning” Kento told me on Thursday night, still as awkward as he had been around me all week, though I guess I could hardly blame him for it, even if I had wanted to shake him and scream for him to look at me properly all the time.

“Oka - wait, that early?” I frowned, looking at him suspiciously. “What have you planned, Kento?!”

“... Surprise?” Kento smiled embarrassedly, and I was kind of glad to see the corners of his lips curl upwards at least a little.

“You know you won’t land with me if you pull any loveaholic shit, right?” I prodded anyways, just to have said it. 

“I _know_ ” Kento groaned, rolling his eyes. “This is not what this is about, I swear. But you still left me in charge of this, so do me a favor and play along, will you?”

“Fine” I snorted, but I was smiling too. “But I hope what you planned is exciting, or I might nap off.”

“You can sleep in the car” Kento shrugged.

“So we are going somewhere?” I checked, intrigued, but when Kento just shook his head with a knowing smile, I sighed. “Fine, I won’t ask. Tomorrow, half past seven. I will be waiting.”

“Okay” Kento smiled, and seeing the trace of excitement in his eyes made me feel a tiny bit excited, too.

He really let me sleep in the car, which was definitely a plus point for him as far as I was concerned, and when he finally shook me awake, I blinked in disorientation. 

“Where are we?” I murmured, peeking outside, my eyes widening when I spotted a huge roller coaster in my field of vision. 

“Fuji Q Highland” Kento explained, watching my face closely. “I know you like theme parks, so… I thought it might be a good idea?”

“It’s a _brilliant_ idea!” I exclaimed, breaking out into a huge smile as I was fully awake within seconds. “Maybe I should have tried dating a friend earlier, if such dates come out of it!”

That made Kento laugh, and I hastily undid my seat belt to jump out of the car. 

Kento had already gotten tickets for both of us, and I did not even try to be embarrassed about him inviting me because he knew me too well to buy it. So I just pulled him along , totally hyper as I wondered out loud which ride we should take first, glad when Kento finally joined my discussion, seemingly getting over himself and his insecurities. 

We ended up getting into the first roller coaster we came across, the Fujiyama, and thankfully we did not need to wait long due to the early hour and it being a weekday, when usually I knew hours of waiting time was the most normal thing in this theme park. 

We seemed to be lucky with the weather as well because as we got into the wagon and were pulled upwards, the view onto the Fuji was spectacular, and the way Kento’s eyes shone when I pointed it out to him was engraved in my mind even when I closed my eyes as the fall began. 

We got into another roller coaster afterwards, the fastest one named Dodonpa, but after agreeing that, other than the moment of speed at the beginning it was actually not all that exciting, we sat down and grabbed a crepe as a snack. 

I found it hard to keep my eyes off Kento as he talked, marveling at how comfortable I felt, and only when Kento held in I realized that I had been spacing out. 

“Is it boring, after all?” Kento frowned, looking worried, and I quickly shook my head. 

“No, it was a really great idea!” I ensured him, but he still seemed sceptical. “Thanks for inviting me!”

“That’s good then” Kento murmured, but there was still something dull and nervous in his eyes, and I did not like to see it. 

It took some effort, but finally, I managed to admit: “I was actually thinking that I am glad that you are relaxing around me a little again. I like it best when you are just being yourself, you know.”  
Kento blinked at that, and I felt his eyes on my face, but I just bit into my crepe, not looking up. 

We strolled around a little after we had eaten up, letting the food sink in before getting into the next attraction, as something else caught my eye. 

“That’s the haunted house, isn’t it?” I murmured, standing to point at the scruffy asylum down the path, and Kento nodded.

“Yeah, I heard it’s the world’s biggest or something” he said, looking at it in a mix between worry and curiosity. “There are actors around that scare people and run after you or something. Keito told me about it and advised me strongly to never set a foot inside.”

“I want to go!” I announced, and Kento blinked at me owlishly.

“Seriously?” he asked, and I pursed my lips. 

“What, are you scared?” I prodded, knowing exactly that I could make Kento do an awful lot of stuff just by challenging him, and sure enough, Kento narrowed his eyes at my words.

“I am not scared” he announced, making me grin. 

“Good, then let’s go!” I called, bumping his shoulder with mine before strolling down the path.

Again, we did not need to wait long to get inside, but even I had to admit that the wait was a little nerve-wracking, with people leaving the house right in front of us and screaming as they almost stumbled over themselves in their haste to see sunlight. 

I was distracted from my own nervousness by the way Kento’s eyes seemed to grow wider with each passing second, and entertained myself with poking fun at him gently. Kento still refused to admit that he was scared even when we were allowed to enter, first waiting in the cold entrance area full of intimidating noises, then being led into a small room by a nurse (who looked like she had come straight out of a horror movie) to watch a short introduction video. It told the story of the haunted hospital and showed pictures of what was waiting for us inside, and, even if I would never admit it out loud, I jerked a little when the door opened again and the nurse reappeared to lead us further inside.

We were brought into a small inspection room to make a photo, and thankfully I was already sceptic when we were told to sit down on a bench, so I expected it when the bench cracked and sunk a little just in the moment the photo was made, laughing when Kento outright squealed at it. 

Afterwards, Kento was given a flashlight and we were left to enter the real thing alone. 

“Still not scared?” I checked, more to have anything to say to distract myself from the shudders that ran up and down my spine, and Kento only snorted, not granting me an answer as he carefully lightened the corners of the corridor we were walking along.

For the first few minutes we encountered nothing but a few rattling curtains and sound effects, but it was amusing to watch Kento twitch at every sound and holding in now and then to check that nothing was lurking in the dark. 

When the first actor was waiting for us in the corner of a new room, I was alerted by Kento’s sudden shout, but I still had trouble keeping up with him when he suddenly started running, only seeing the other person in passing. 

“Okay, I don’t like this” Kento finally admitted when we entered the next corridor, seemingly alone again. “We should have listened to Keito!” 

“Don’t be such a baby” I chuckled, pushing him forward. “Nothing even happened yet!”

Kento glared at me, but finally started moving again. 

The next actor was lying in a hospital bed, laughing to himself in a way that sounded so creepy it made me hesitate along with Kento and grabbing for us as we passed him. The next one was a woman standing right behind the corner as we wanted to flee, following after us even when we started running. 

When we could see the shadow of someone standing in the middle of the hallway we had to cross next, I was more stunned a the way Kento unconsciously reached for arm than at anything else. I could not help but smirk at him, but Kento was too busy trying to stay as far away from the person across from us as possible to notice. 

The next corridor we entered was long and dark, with closed but rattling doors at the side, and I was so focused on what was happening around me and in front of me that I froze when I heard a low groan right next to my ear, one that _surely_ did not come from Kento. 

I could not help myself. I yelped, and the next thing I knew I was running, Kento right behind me, and when we reached the end of the corridor, he whimpered pathetically. 

“Let’s give up?” he suggested, nodding to the door that was labeled with “Chicken Way”. “This was a _terrible_ idea!”

“No way!” I frowned. “We started and we are going to make it through to the end, and if I have to drag you!”

“ _You_ were the one squealing and running just now!” he pointed out. 

“And you clung to me for dear life only a few minutes ago” I shot back. I felt a little sorry about it when Kento blushed at my words, but he just shoved the flashlight at me with a huff. 

“You are going ahead!” he murmured, and I sighed as I nodded. 

I did not look at him as I reached out for his hand, highly embarrassed, but when his fingers laced through mine, I felt a little giddy as I continued walking. 

I gave up trying to not scream after a few more minutes, though, especially when people came crawling towards us, but Kento still was obviously more terrified than I was. He kept reaching out for me and I let him, his touch kind of reassuring as I tried to find the courage to keep walking. 

40 minutes later we had almost reached the end, when we were asked to give up the flashlight. 

“No way” I shook my head, clinging to the lamp in my hand, making Kento laugh as he poked me. 

“Not scared at all” he teased, but he sounded breathless as well.

“Shut up” I chuckled, sighing as I grudgingly switched off the light and put it into the basket next to the door. “This can’t be good…”

For the last two corridors we were faced with various actors grabbing for us, and I got so scared that I accidentally knocked down Kento’s glasses, making the actors freeze as he shouted for nobody to move, and none of us made another step until he had found them.

Both of us were almost doubling over with laughter at the ridiculousness of the situation as we finally left through the exit (running and with Kento’s fingers clinging to my wrist almost painfully), shouting half sentences at each other and making a few eleven year old boys in the line look at us like we were the most uncool people on earth. 

“I need food now” Kento laughed as we were back out on the paths throughout the theme park, and I chuckled, being able to relate to his need for something to calm the nerves. We ended up getting lunch at Moe’s Burger, chatting easily as we dug in, and I marveled at the way both of us seemed to have momentarily forgotten that this was a date, making all of the awkwardness disappear. 

I caught myself pondering, though, when Kento disappeared into the bathroom after we had eaten, leaving alone outside for a few minutes to watch the other visitors. 

There were quite a few couples around, holding hands or in any way entangled with each other, and I realized that, as much fun as we were having together, besides the one time I had reached for his hand in the haunted house nothing that had happened today had been especially date-like. Most of it felt like going out with a friend, and though the faint layer of giddiness I felt whenever our eyes met spoke another language, Kento seemed to lack courage to reach out to me. And I could not blame him, really. We had been friends for so long and he knew that I was generally shy about every display of affection, so of course he would be scared of crossing that line and making things possibly awkward. 

Only if we kept acting like nothing more than friends, I would never find out what I was feeling, and it kind of defeated the purpose of the whole date thing. I sighed as I absentmindedly stared at the ferris wheel, only to jerk when Kento’s hand clasped my shoulder.

“What now?” he asked, seemingly oblivious to the thoughtful look on my face, and I cleaned my throat awkwardly as I slung my arm through his in a way that did not _necessarily_ have to mean something, not for people watching us, but still made Kento freeze because it was a gesture so obviously unlike me that I felt self-conscious about it immediately. 

My heart was beating uncomfortably hard as I started walking anyways, pulling Kento with me, refusing to let go for now. We stayed silent for a moment, and I scrambled my mind for something to say, before Kento murmured: “You don’t need to do this if it feels weird.”

“I want to, though” I frowned, turning my head to look at him. “I said we would give it a try, didn’t I?”

Kento kept silent, obviously still not convinced, and I sighed as my grip on his arm tightened. 

“Of course it’s weird” I admitted. “Going from ‘friends’ to ‘more’ is always weird. But it’s okay, we’re doing fine until now, I think.”

“Is ‘fine’ enough, though?” Kento murmured, and I made a face at this. 

“It’s a good start” I shrugged, and Kento kept quiet as my eyes fell onto the ferris wheel again. “I guess I just need to jump over my own shadow and do couply stuff with you, since you are too much of a coward to initiate it.”

Kento flashed a half-hearted glare at me, but added, his voice slightly breathless: “And that would be?” I pursed my lips and started to pull him towards the attraction, making his eyes widen in realization. “What - really?!”

“Shut up before I change my mind” I hissed in embarrassment, and Kento listened to me, for once. 

I felt more nervous than I had been in the haunted house as we got into the gondola, sitting down across from each other, silent until the door was closed behind us. I saw that Kento’s hands clenched around his knee, and it was not so hard, suddenly, to reach out to lay mine over it. 

Kento’s eyes met mine hopefully, and I took a deep sigh as I murmured with some effort: “Just be yourself, I told you.”

“I don’t know how to be myself without messing everything up” he admitted, and it made me chuckle. 

“Don’t worry, I will punch you when you go too far” I joked, making Kento pop an eyebrow. “Just try me.” 

Kento snorted, but he loosened his tensed fingers and took my hand into both of his, tracing the lines of it and creating little sparks of electricity on my nerve endings. 

I looked away for a moment, distracted by the clear view of the Fuji right in front of us. It took me off guard when Kento leaned towards me, his hand reaching out to lace through some strands of my hair and pull me slightly forward, and I closed my eyes automatically. 

I felt Kento’s lips press softly against my temple, and it tingled in a nice way, though I had to suppress the urge to clamp up and flee. But then Kento leaned his forehead against mine, not moving things along further, and I dared to pop an eye open, stunned by his closeness, my mind weirdly clouded. 

“Thanks for doing this” Kento whispered. “For trying. It really means a lot to me.”

I gulped, not knowing what to say, and the hand that was not being held by his reached out to fist his jacket tentatively. 

My heart was beating really fast and I found it difficult to breathe because Kento’s perfume was all I smelled every time I inhaled, only I kind of liked it, and I took that as a good sign.

“I would not push you away if you kissed me now” I said quietly, my voice slightly choked. 

“... Really?” Kento murmured, obviously surprised, and I was shocked by my own words to be honest, but my lips were tingling at the mere thought of Kento’s on mine and I did not want to take it back. 

I just nodded, and there was a tensed silence between us before Kento finally leaned in. His lips were soft and careful when they pressed against mine, shy and tentative, but I was stunned by the almost euphoric feeling that went through me, an unknown ecstasy that warmed me from the inside. 

Kento did merely more than brush our lips together very lightly, and it was probably the most innocent kiss I had ever shared with anyone, but the sensations felt overwhelming, and I was not quite sure what was happening, just that I did not want this to stop. 

So I yanked him closer, pressing my lips more firmly against his as I kissed him back. I did not even care that it was now me taking over the kiss step by step and that Kento did barely do anything more than hold onto me, too preoccupied with the desire to feel more of whatever fire he had ignited inside of me. 

We only broke apart when the gondola suddenly cracked suspiciously, making us look around in confusion and realize we had almost finished our round. I let go of Kento quickly, straightening myself and trying futilely to tune down the blush that was spreading over my cheeks.

We both did not speak up until we were out of the attraction and strolling down the paths again aimlessly. 

“... And?” Kento asked finally, his voice so self-conscious that it stung. “Is it impossible, after all?”

I shook my head, but when Kento did not seem to understand that I hooked my arm through his again, hoping to soothe him with the touch since I sucked way too much at words. 

“It felt good” I said at last. “I wouldn’t have believed that it would feel this way to kiss you.”

“Really?” Kento asked, his eyes flying to my face, but I could not bring myself to look at him, instead staring straight ahead. 

“You passed” I informed him, clearing my throat. “For the next date, I will invite you.”

When I finally glanced at him, he was smiling so brightly that I could not help but smile back, thinking silently that it had been a good decision to give this thing between us a try. 

The rest of the day we rode the other two big roller coasters and ate whatever we came across. It was so different from all the other dates I had had, because even though Kento had his sensitive and straight out _girly_ moments sometimes, we were still much more on the same wavelength than I had been with any girl I had dated. I did not need to put any effort into wooing him, and it was comfortable to just be myself. 

And the more hours passed, the more I began to notice little things about him I had never really paid attention to, like the little lines at the corner of his eyes when he laughed, or how his eyes were warm and made it hard for me to look away once he had caught my gaze. Also I kept wanting to reach out to him, which kind of sucked because we were in public and only as much as taking his hand could lead to a scandal if we were so unlucky to be caught. 

Kento seemed to not mind much, though, seemed euphoric with whatever I was willing to give to him, and it was a weird feeling to be this treasured by someone, but also really, really nice. I could get used to this, I thought. 

“You look tired” I noted as we had some pizza for dinner, and Kento smiled sheepishly over his drink.

“I did not sleep much tonight” he admitted. “I was too nervous.”

“You” I rolled my eyes, but smiled as I added: “I guess it’s better if I drive home.” When Kento opened his mouth to protest, I warned: “Don’t even try to play the gentleman or whatever you are trying to do, it’s not necessary with me. I slept on the way here, now you can sleep on the way back.”

“As if I could sleep with you in the car” Kento grumbled, but as soon as I had started the engine, his eyes were closed and he was dead to the world. 

My gaze kept wandering to his face every now and then for a few short seconds, smiling at how peaceful he looked. It was weird how, now that I paid attention to it, there were so many tiny things about Kento that appealed to me. I had never been the type to believe in love at first sight and sudden epiphanies, like Kento (though I knew now that he had probably not always quite said the truth when he had talked about it, either), but it still kind of stunned me how slowly these feelings had awakened with me, and now that I let myself notice them, they were suddenly _everywhere,_ making me a little unsure what to do with them. 

But I was thankful for it. Even if this thing with Kento and me would probably be complicated, with both of us standing in the spotlight like we did, I knew that he was generally the very best person in the whole world to fall in love with. He was loyal and honest, and I would trust him with my life, which were better prerequisites for dating someone than I had ever had, to be honest. 

When we arrived in Tokyo, Kento woke up by himself, apparently taking note of the brighter lights, and we talked softly for the last minutes as his eyes opened little by little. 

I stretched lazily when I had parked in front of my house, the exhaustion of the day catching up with me now as well, turning to meet Kento’s glassy eyes. 

“I am not sure if I should let you drive home” I noted, smiling as I reached out to brush through his hair with my fingers. 

“I won’t die” he murmured, and I snorted. 

“Seriously, though, you can come up if you want” I offered softly. “We don’t have to be at work until 2pm tomorrow.”

“After only the first date?” Kento asked in mock shock, and I hit him onto the head with a sigh. 

“We slept in one bed before” I reminded him. 

“Yes, and you will never know how much of a torture that was” Kento sighed, making me purse my lips , feeling a little guilty. 

“We could cuddle?” I prodded, not ready to let it go, and Kento sighed, laughing at my stubbornness. 

“Fine” he said finally. “But don’t kick me out of the bed if I do something you don’t like.”

“As if you would try anything, clumsy virgin” I uttered, making Kento flush brightly. I did not press it though, and when I got out of the car, he reluctantly followed.

My mother did not have a clue that anything was out of place with us, thankfully, and after just a short chat and telling us to be quiet because my sister was already sleeping, she let us retreat to my room. 

We were both too exhausted after the long day for much pretense, so I lent Kento a T-Shirt and sweatpants to change into and disappeared into the bathroom to brush my teeth. 

For a moment, I considered putting on some kind of clothes to bed as well, but it seemed silly since Kento knew I usually slept without, so I just slipped into comfortable boxershorts before cuddling myself under the covers. 

When Kento returned, I held them up for him pointedly, and Kento hesitated only a moment before climbing into bed with me. 

“You couldn’t have at least put on a shirt, could you?” he sighed, and I just clicked my tongue and pulled him into me until his head rested on my shoulder.

“I thought you liked me? So stop grumbling and cuddle me!” I pouted, and Kento chuckled before burying his face in my neck and throwing a leg over mine, crawling as close to me as physically possible. It made me smile stupidly to myself as I closed my eyes, feeling weirdly at ease.

“I always knew you were a sucker for body contact” Kento murmured against my skin, making me shiver slightly at the feeling.

“Shut up” I replied good-naturedly. Kento’s warmth and his even breathing were soothing, and before I knew it, I had drifted off to sleep.

I woke up some point throughout the night because Kento twisted uncomfortably in my arms. I blinked my eyes open, looking down at his face to see his still closed, whimpering quietly. I panicked for a moment, ready to ask what was wrong, when he mumbled something incoherent and I realized that he was still sleeping, probably dreaming. 

Kento made an uncomfortable sounding noise again, sounding a little like my dog when he had a nightmare, so I tightened my arms around him, making Kento unconsciously snuggle deeper into me until he stilled with a small sigh. 

It was hard to fall asleep again, with the way I was grinning, but Kento’s even heart beat was slowly lulling me back into obliviousness. 

***

We had the luxury of being able to get up at our own rhythm the next morning, no alarm set, but I found it even harder than usually to find the will to get out of bed with Kento’s warm body pressed against mine. We ended up cuddling for almost another hour after we had woken up, talking softly and occasionally stealing chaste kisses, and all of it seemed a little surreal, but felt so good that my sleepy mind refused to question it. 

When we finally rolled out of bed reluctantly, we pondered about what clothes I could lend to Kento without anyone realizing that he had not spend the night at home. The outfit we chose seemed a lot more his style than mine, if you looked at it objectively, but still, the moment we walked into the dressing room together, Marius looked up at us and asked in confusion: “Why is Kento-Kun wearing Fuma-Kun’s clothes?!”

We both stared at him in confusion, and I shook my head before musing: “You _do_ have a secret documentation of all clothes I own somewhere at home, don’t you?!”

“Did you spend the night together?” Shori asked in mild interest, looking up from his phone, and while Kento looked a little panicked at the question, I just shrugged and explained: “We were at Fuji Q Highland yesterday and returned late, so Kento crashed at my place.”

“Ohhh, how was it?!” Sou asked excitedly, immediately distracted and enquiring if we rode the Takabisha and the Eejanaika, and no one asked any uncomfortable questions again. 

Working with Kento was still the same, yet it was different, with the way I felt like grinning stupidly to myself every time I looked at him, or wanted to pull him into the next best corner to kiss him. 

“You are in a good mood” Shori noted after a while, stunning me with the calculating look on his face, but when I only answered with a painful flip of fingers onto his forehead, he retreated with a pout. 

I finally managed to catch Kento on the way to the toilet, and he looked at me suspiciously as I followed after him in silence, but did not complain when I backed him up against the closed door of the deserted bathroom, laughing a little as I pressed my face into his neck and inhaled deeply. 

“What _happened_ to you?!” Kento demanded as he loosely hooked his arms around my waist, keeping me in place in case I intended to go anywhere. Yeah, as if. “I don’t remember drugging you!”

“You must have, though” I said lightly, pressing a soundly kiss to the juncture of his neck and shoulder. “I feel weird.”

“You _act_ weird” Kento pointed out, bumping my chin with his shoulder lightly. “But I like it.”

“Would be bad if you didn’t, you created this!” I mumbled, smirking as I pulled away to look at his face again. 

Kento looked positively euphoric, the happiness showing in his smile and his eyes and his whole aura, and it made me feel somehow shivery, only in a good way, and next thing I knew, I was pressing him completely into the door with my body and was kissing him. 

The kiss was deeper than those we had shared before, not shy and gentle anymore but that tiny bit needy and lingering, and it made my mind spin in a completely new way. I was the one running a tongue over Kento’s lips, but he parted them immediately to let me push it even farther. It was so addictive, kissing Kento like this, and I wanted to continue, to pull him even closer and kiss him until there was no air left in his lungs, but I knew that this was neither the time nor place.

So I reluctantly pulled away, pecking his lips once more before resting my forehead against his, taking a deep breath. 

“We should be going back, or I think Shori might really become suspicious” I noted, laughing as Kento made an obvious try to open his eyes fully, as if shaking himself out of the trance our kiss had put him into. Cute, I thought involuntarily, making me grimace at my own mind. 

“I need to go to the toilet” Kento murmured, reminding me that this was what he had originally come here for, and I grinned sheepishly and nodded as I let go of him, returning to the rest of the group first. 

***

We slipped more or less comfortably into this relationship throughout the next two weeks. I had expected it to be awkward after the long time of being friends, but really, it came more or less naturally to me to reach out for Kento whenever I had the chance, or to text him or even call him at night, talking softly as I got ready for bed, marveling at the sound of his voice and the pointless things he was telling me. 

“So, you are still not having second thoughts about this?” Kento asked hesitantly during one of these conversations, making me snort as I stretched out over my bed sleepily. 

“Does my ridiculously couply behavior seem like it?” I prodded. 

“I am still kind of expecting you to wake up one day and realize that this was a bad idea and a girl is the better way to go, after all” Kento admitted, making me sigh and roll my eyes. 

“Not gonna happen” I ensured him, even if it took some effort to add: “I am happy with the way things are going.”

“Me too” Kento murmured. “It’s going so smoothly that it’s scaring me.”

“Stop being so pessimistic and enjoy the moment” I complained, making Kento chuckle as he shifted on the other end of the line, trying to find a more comfortable position maybe. “You were hovering over your feelings without doing anything about them for way too long.”

“I never counted on this to happen” Kento reminded me. “I dreamt about it, but I never actually believed in it.”

“Pessimist” I repeated, and Kento laughed. 

“I prefer the term ‘dreamer’, because we are usually unable to deal with reality and would rather stay in our dreams in fear of being rejected’” he corrected me.

“Too long” I dismissed the idea, grinning at the continuous sound of Kento’s chuckles. I had always loved it most to make him laugh, even when we had still been friends. “Guess I just have a lot to teach you, little kohai.”

“I am still the older one!” Kento protested.

“That doesn’t change that I am light years ahead of you when it comes to relationships” I teased, frowning a little when Kento fell silent. “Hey, you still there?”

“Say, Fuma” Kento breathed, suddenly seeming nervous. “Have you ever… you know…?” he left the sentence hang in the air, but I knew what he was trying to hint at anyways from the tone of his voice. I still grimaced, uncomfortable as I admitted: “Well, yes.”

“Thought so” he whispered, and I heard him take a deep breath.

“But only with girls” I added, making a face at my own obvious answer, and Kento made a choked sound that probably was supposed to have been a laugh but had died somewhere in his throat. “But it doesn’t matter, does it?”

“Our kiss in the ferris wheel was my first” Kento blurted out, making me take a stuttering breath. I had suspected it, but hearing it out of his mouth was something else entirely. “You were right, I am a clumsy virgin and I have no idea what I am doing!”

“That was a joke” I scolded, sitting up as I tried to find words. “I don’t care about that, okay? It’s not that my past flings actually mean anything to me. It never felt like it does with you!”

“That doesn’t mean I am not scared of embarrassing myself” Kento pointed out. 

“It’s _only me_ ” I stressed, making Kento chuckle darkly. “I fell flat on my face in front of thousands of fans in the Tokyo Dome and millions on TV during my very first countdown concert! There are worse ways to embarrass yourself.”

“That’s no comparison” Kento called, but I was relieved to hear the smile in his voice. 

“Still, we will figure it out together” I shrugged. “And if it’s not perfect right away, we will have lots of time to practice anyways. It’s not like you will get rid off me any time soon.”

“Drug not wearing off?” Kento sighed, picking up his joke from a couple of weeks ago, and I grinned. 

“I think it did permanent damage” I teased. “You have to take responsibility.”

Kento huffed, but finally let the subject drop. 

***

Despite this talk, Kento and I continued to dance around the subject of actual sex for a couple more weeks. We kissed and made out and spent two more nights together, but nothing much happened, not only because Kento seemed to have come to the general conclusion of leaving the lead in this matter to me, both down to his inexperience in this field and the fact that _I_ was the one out of the two of us that still had to arrange himself with his ‘gay self’, whatever that meant. 

And maybe he was a tiny bit right, I figured as I sat down to do some research on the internet one night and came out of it a tiny bit traumatized. It was not that I had not had an image of gay sex before, but reading into techniques and _seeing stuff_ (yeah, so what if I used porn as learning material) was still a little scary. 

All second thoughts disappeared whenever I was kissing Kento, though, the way it felt so good and right urging me to get over myself and collect more information, and step by step, I got used to the idea, and began to imagine what it would feel like, what noises Kento would make when I touched him, what the expression I would be able to see on his face. 

I knew that I was ready when we spent the next night together, and I found myself hard and aroused as I pressed him into the mattress, feeling him shiver against my body and making soft noises into our kiss. Still, I did not move things along, not liking the thought of rushing things, but I ordered some lube online as soon as he was gone, hoping dearly that I would get the package between my fingers before my mother would. 

I decided to tell my parents anyways, breaking the news of me and Kento to them the same week, at night after my siblings had gone to bed. I figured that it would be unfair to keep it a secret any longer, both to them and to Kento. After all, we had been together for over a month now. 

Thankfully, my parents did not ask any unnecessary questions, and accepted things just the way I told them. My mother even mentioned that she had suspected something like this after Kento and I had suddenly started to spend so much more time together outside work. All my father said was to be careful because of Kento being a band mate.

“When your relationship shouldn’t work out, you still have to be on terms to work with each other” he said thoughtfully. 

“I know that” I nodded. “I am not walking into this blindly, believe me. I know very well what I am getting myself into, and that we have to be very careful, but on the other hand…” I hesitated for a moment, before adding, very softly: “He is worth it.”

My mother was smiling at that, looking at me in a way that made me feel incredibly uncomfortable, and my father nodded. 

“Well, if that’s what you want, we will support you” he said simply. “But _you_ have to explain to your sister why she can’t marry Kento-Kun.”

That made me laugh, and I was once again glad that my parents never had been too conventional themselves, and were quick to accept my decisions without any complaints. 

***

“I still owe you a date” I murmured as I dug my cheek into Kento’s shoulder, crawling closer over the couch of our empty dressing room to hug him from behind. He did not look up from his book, which was probably a telltale to how normal these kind of displays of affection of mine had become. I could not bring myself to stop, though, but the smile in Kento’s voice when he answered told me that I did not need to. 

“What, cuddly movie nights at home is not your idea of a date?” he teased, making me poke his side to see him squirm. 

“Are you free this Saturday night?” I continued, not dignifying his input with an answer. “I mean, we have to work the afternoon, but we could go out after?”

“Sounds good” Kento nodded, turning his head to peek at me sideways. “What have you planned?”

“You will see” I said airily, mostly because I still had no clue apart from the sex part. “Bring a set of clothes and tell you parents you will be staying with me for the night, though.”

I said it casually, but there was a certain undertone to it, one that implicated that spending the night together was a firm part of my plans, and I even if I did not mention it explicitly I wanted Kento to understand, to be prepared for what it meant. Kento seemed to get it, I could see that in the way he bit his lip, but there was nothing hesitant about it when he nodded and said: “Okay.” 

I still managed to press a kiss to his cheek before Sou came in and we had to jump apart, somehow managing to move to different corners of the couch without him even glancing at us. 

The rest of the week, I kept planning obsessively, browsing the internet for ideas, and when I had finally decided, I did not even care that I was probably going overboard with this. But on the other hand, I knew that the day at the theme park had been anything but cheap for Kento either, so I felt that it was reasonable to spend a little more than I would for a usual date, as well.

Also, I had long since accepted that Kento was special to me, _and_ it was a special occasion. I could not give Kento my first time, but I could make sure that his would be as memorable as possible. 

“So, where are we going?” Kento asked impatiently as we had waved goodbye to the others and had stolen out of the Fuji TV building we had shot in until an hour ago without crossing any fans, now sneaking down the streets of Odaiba with hats drawn into our faces and masks covering us hopefully long enough for the short way. 

“I made some reservations” I admitted reluctantly, not looking at him as I tried to recognize anything from when I had checked the route with Google Street View last night. 

“For dinner?” Kento frowned.

“That too” I nodded, finding orientation with the Daikanransha, the Ferris Wheel ironicallylike a silver lining connecting our dates. 

“So there will be a dinner, and something else?” Kento investigated, watching my face closely for any clues (or what he could see of it, through all the layers). 

I made a vague sound of agreement, refusing to give more details, and Kento huffed in frustration as he followed after me. 

Finally, the hotel I had reserved a room in came into view, hard to miss from the pictures I had seen on the internet. Kento was still looking around in confusion, obviously still wondering where we were heading, until I stopped and waited for him to turn at me questioningly. 

“We are here” I said, nodding to the building and the inscription at the entranceway, “Hotel Trusty Tokyo Bayside”. 

Kento blinked at it for a moment before meeting my gaze again, eyes wide.

“A hotel?!” he called incredulous, and I shrugged in embarrassment, turning to enter it. “Please tell me you only reserved a table for dinner!” Kento pleaded, trying to sneak a look at the room fees as we passed the sign, and I rolled my eyes as I grabbed his arm and pulled him after me. 

“Don’t worry about money, I said I’d invite you for the second date, didn’t I?!” I groaned. “So stop complaining and be happy!”

“But… this seems so expensive” Kento murmured, his voice turning lower as soon as we were through the door, obviously intimidated. 

“You did not buy the Fuji Q tickets in a 100 yen store, either” I hissed, meeting his eyes solemnly. “I promise I am not spending money I don’t have. So just forget about financial matters or other irrelevant things and enjoy this night with me, okay?” 

Kento smiled tentatively, and I poked his side playfully before finally making my way to the counter. 

Fifteen minutes later, we dropped our bags to the bed in our room, and Kento seemed to have gotten over his reservations as he pushed the curtains aside, marveling at the view of Tokyo Bay and Palette Town right in front of us. I smiled, content with the turnout of my plans as I circled my arms around his waist and pulled him flush against me, his back pressed against my chest. 

“Let’s just relax for the rest of the night and have a good time?”I murmured, pressing a kiss to his temple. 

“Okay” Kento grinned, easily convinced as he leaned pointedly into my embrace. 

It was comfortable, but still I asked after only a minute: “Is it too early to go for dinner? I am kind of starved after work.”

Kento chuckled and nodded, always easily convinced with the prospect of food, and we made our way down to eat. 

The restaurant served international cuisine, and both of us chose steaks, predictably, and a few tapas to share. I encouraged Kento to drink a cocktail, pleased when he seemed even more talkative and relaxed afterwards, the alcohol pleasantly buzzing his nerves. It was not that I wanted him drunk, but I considered it just a tiny help to calm his nerves for what I hoped would happen later tonight. 

When we returned to our room, the sun had set and the lights of the city illuminated the skyline beautifully, distracting both of us for a moment as we refused to switch on the light, choosing to enjoy the view some more. 

It was Kento who searched my touch this time, slinging his arms around my neck and pulling me against him, enveloping me in a tight hug. I just leaned into it for a while, content with the intimacy of the simple gesture, focusing on Kento’s warmth and his scent, hair products and perfume and dinner and a tiny bit of sweat. 

“Thanks for all of this” Kento murmured finally, voice muffled by the way his face was pressed into my shoulder. “Though you wouldn’t have needed to go such a long way to seduce me.”

I just chuckled, fingers crawling up his back, tracing the muscles there and making him shiver. 

“Easy, aren’t we” I breathed, so lightly that not even the teasing note properly found its way into the statement, but Kento only giggled a little as he pulled away. 

His cheeks were so flushed that it was even noticeable through the dim city light falling in from the window, and first I wondered if the alcohol had gotten to him more than I had originally thought, but then my eyes met his and I could read the emotions in them, and I knew that it was down to completely different reasons.

When I connected our lips, it was soft and sweet and lingering, and I took my time, seeing no need to rush this along. We had all night, after all, and no one could interrupt us, not here. It was a small secret space we had all to ourselves, if only until 11 o’clock next morning. 

When I pulled away, Kento was smiling and squeezing his arms around my shoulders.

“Is it okay if I take a shower?” he asked quietly. “I feel kind of gross after a day at work.”

I chuckled, nodding as I let go of him. 

“I might go, too, after you are done” I noted as I finally switched on the light. 

I used the time Kento took in the bathroom, shaking up the covers of the neatly made bed (eating the tiny chocolate bars on the pillows), fishing the condoms and the lube I had brought out of my bag and putting them onto the nightstand (wondering for a moment if I was being too forward with that, but then again we both had known exactly where this would lead the moment I had asked Kento to spend the night with me) and putting the rest of our belongings onto the chair across the room to get them out of the way. 

I spent the next few minutes sitting on the bed and browsing through my phone, only looking up when Kento opened the door and came out with still slightly damp hair and in a complimentary bathrobe from the hospital. 

It was not like I hadn’t seen Kento with even less clothes tons of times before, but it was definitely different now that we were going to sleep with each other, so I tried not to stare as I turned off my phone (no need for anything to interrupt us) and smiled at him before making my way into the bathroom, too. 

The hot water was just the right thing to calm me down, and I lingered maybe a little longer than strictly necessary, trying to clear my head. 

When I finally stepped out again, now only in a bathrobe myself, Kento was lying on the bed, lazily watching Real Scope Hyper. 

“Really?” I raised an eyebrow at the sound of our voices, and Kento laughed as he turned off the TV.

“What? I like seeing your face” he shrugged, and I rolled my eyes and climbed onto the bed with him. 

“Shut up” I said good humoredly, crawling over his body and looking down at him. “Stop fanboying and concentrate on the real thing then!”

Kento only smiled, running his fingers through my not quite dry hair, making me smirk before I leaned down for another kiss. 

We still kept the kiss slow, but Kento deepened it automatically, pulling me flush against him, and I rested my weight onto his body and got lost in the feeling of his tongue and his lips and his hands on my back. It was intoxicating, clouding my mind in a way that made remembering all my doubts and preparations from the last couple of weeks impossible, or anything that did not involve touching Kento in every way possible, really.

I was not sure when exactly I had developed this intense desire for this boy, when it had gone from enjoying his presence to wanting him pinned underneath me, but now it was there, hot and clear and unmistakable, and it made me sneak a hand between us to undo Kento’s bathrobe. 

His skin was warm and soft between my fingers, and his body felt different from a girl’s, but it wasn’t weird like I had thought that it might be, rather intriguing, making me want to explore and touch every inch of his skin, drinking in his reactions. 

Kento never broke our kiss, holding me close by my neck even when I tried to pull away, so I indulged him a little longer, until he was so breathless that air became a must. 

One of my hands was tracing his stomach, oddly fascinated by his belly button, and the other was purposefully pinching a nipple with two fingers, hardening it, and when I leaned down to suck and lick the skin of his neck, he let out a soft moan. The sound felt like a direct stimulation, making me push my hips into his without conscious thought, squeezing a similar noise out of both our throats. 

Kento’s fingers were clumsy and impatient as he pushed my bathrobe down my shoulders, and it took some effort to tear my lips away from his collarbone to sit up and get rid of the cloth properly. Kento was so helpful to shrug out of his as well, and I pulled the blanket over both of us, unwilling to let any awkwardness come up due to our nakedness. 

I went back to devouring his lips immediately, unable to get enough of kissing him, and for a few minutes I did nothing but that as I let Kento explore. His fingers were curious and anything but shy, I was glad to find out, cupping my butt and pulling me into him. Maybe it was because he had wanted this for much longer than me, or maybe it was really the lack of experience, but everything seemed to overwhelm him, the sensation of each touch, the brushes of my tongue, my hardness bumping his as I softly humped him. It was easy to distract him when I started spraying kissing down his neck again, and he did not notice when I blindly reached for the lube. 

The sound of the cap popping open seemed to tear through his clouded mind though, and he peaked up to see what I was doing, quickly closing his eyes again when I caught his gaze. 

“We can stop whenever you become uncomfortable” I said softly, holding in for a moment. “We are not pressured to do anything, okay?”

“Are you kidding me?” Kento groaned, and his voice was rougher and deeper from arousal, and it made me shudder with unexpected need. “You _do_ realize how long I waited for this, don’t you?!”

“Okay, just… wanted to make sure” I murmured, somehow finding it difficult to form a sentence, and I had to look away to lube my fingers properly and clear my head. The latter proved to be impossible, though, as one of Kento’s hands went between our bodies and found my erection. I moaned than I would have expected of myself, needing to press my face into his neck, trying to control the sudden pleasure that ran through me, but it only seemed to encourage Kento. His touch was not really fast enough to get me off, but it enough to make me forget about anything else for a few moments, and when I finally managed to raise my head enough to look at him, Kento’s eyes were glassy and dark. 

I dove for another kiss, feeling almost in desperate need for it, more than for air even though I was definitely not breathing properly. 

When I managed to focus my mind enough to bring my slick fingers to his thighs, encouraging them to part further with soft touches, Kento tensed a little, but his movements were still pliant. 

Kento’s touch on my erection never ceased even as my fingers circled his entrance. Maybe it was his way of calming his nerves, but I found it distracting as I tried to remember everything i had read and seen, any advice I could get on this field I had no experience in either, that was new and scary to both of us. 

I was slow and careful when I slipped in the first finger, pulling away from the kiss to watch his face, but Kento did not look at me. Instead he pressed his head into the pillow and closed his eyes, biting his lips in sensations I could not quite read from his face, and it made me nervous.

I continued step for step, all the time watching his reactions as I moved my finger, probing against the tight muscles squeezing down on it, and slipping in a second one after a while, scissoring them. 

It took a good five minutes and another finger until Kento finally opened his eyes and met mine.

“Is it okay? Am I hurting you?” The words tumbled out of my mouth, having been held in all the time, and Kento smiled, shaking his head. 

“It’s weird and new, but it doesn’t hurt” he murmured, and it was the way his voice was low and different that made me believe him. 

I continued for a while longer, unsure how to judge if he was ready or not, only then my fingers grazed something inside of Kento that made him jerk and close his eyes again and pull his arms around me all at once, and first I thought I had really hurt him this time, but then he moaned helplessly, and I realized that it was the contrary. 

“Feeling good?” I whispered, tracing the same point purposefully, kissing his cheekbone when he only whimpered in response, since it was the only place I could reach from the way he was clinging to me.

“Fuma, please” he breathed, and I nodded, pulling my fingers. 

I reached for the condom with shaky hands, feeling clumsy and nervous as well as I almost knocked them off the nightstand, but finally managing to grab one and tear the wrapping to free it. 

I needed to pull myself free from Kento’s embrace to roll it over my erection, and when I looked back at him, my brain failed me for a moment. His hair was wet, if from the shower or from fresh sweat I was not sure, maybe it was a mixture of both, but it was clinging to his forehead in a way I had never thought I could find attractive, and his skin was flushed and _oh my god_ , this was _real_ , Kento and I were really going to sleep with each other. For a moment I wondered if that was what a panic attack felt like, but my skin was tingling and my mind buzzing and I was quite sure that panic attacks did not feel like butterflies. 

“Are we okay to go?” I asked finally when I settled between Kento’s legs again, and he nodded, opening his eyes. I held his gaze, unable to look away even as I guided my erection until my tip pressed against his entrance. 

Kento’s hands tightened around my shoulder, and I did not know if he was bracing himself or urging me on, but I took a deep breath and slowly pushing inside anyways. 

Kento made a choked noise, and insecurity tore through the pleasure, making me hold in, barely in, searching his face when his eyes closed again. 

“Does it hurt?” I whispered, waiting until he reluctantly shook his head. He was trembling now, and I wondered if he was lying, but his hands were squeezing again, definitely pushing me to continue now, so I stopped questioning him.

The deeper I pushed into him, the harder it became to think, the tightness and hotness around me making me feel high and breathless, and when I finally was all inside, Kento was shaking like a leaf and clinging to me almost painfully, so I held in and just hugged him, giving both of us a moment to get used to the sensations. 

It felt different than being with a girl, definitely, but I was not sure if that was down to the gender or to it being _Kento_ , of all people. Probably the latter, I decided as I kissed him again, softly and breathlessly but enough to break the stillness, and to make Kento loosen his iron grip on me. 

I waited until he gave me a sign to move, and when it came in the form of Kento pushing down against me, I retaliated, pulling out slowly before thrusting back in. I was still careful, but the friction felt heavenly, making it hard to keep my movements controlled, and Kento did not seem to care, soft moans slipping his lips and being caught in our kiss. 

Soon, we slipped into a rhythm that worked for both of us, our motions synching just like they always did, as if it came natural to us, and it probably did. 

Kento murmured my name every now and then, and it made my chest feel tight in more than the physical pleasure. 

Soon I felt it all becoming too much, and even holding a rhythm became difficult as I just wanted to lose myself inside of Kento, so I sneaked shaky fingers between our bodies, finding his so far neglected shaft. 

Kento’s answering moan was loud, and it took only a few strokes and a thumb smearing the precum on his tip to make him come. 

He tightened down even more around me, making it hard to push through the resistance of his body, and I threw away all inhibitions away as I just clung to him and thrust into him, faster and faster until everything became white in pleasure. 

When I opened my eyes again, my face was pressed into Kento’s hair and I could smell the expensive hotel shampoo but barely get any air, so I pulled away a little, taking a deep breath of fresh air. 

Kento turned his head to look at me, a tired smile on his face that I could not help but return as I connected our lips again, the kiss sweet and soft and without any urgency now.

“You seem drugged again” Kento noted as I pulled away, making me laugh.

“Your dose must have been pretty strong this time” I returned, slowly pulling out and flipping the condom off, picking up the wrapper and flinging both into the dust bin near the bathroom door, surprised when I actually hit. Then I settled comfortably back in Kento’s arms, sighing as he embraced me tightly. 

“You know you can’t ever let go of me again now” Kento murmured finally, and though his voice was lazy I could sense some insecurity in his words. 

“Was not planning on it” I said softly, pressing a kiss to his neck. “Thank you” I added after a while.

“For what?” Kento asked in confusion. 

“For waiting for me. I know it’s been a long time.” I murmured. “Thinking that I would have never found out how much I really like you if you hadn’t held onto your feelings for so long scares me a little, in retroperspective.”

“As if I could have ever forgotten about you” Kento whispered, making my smile again. 

“And I am going to make sure you will never do so from now on, either” I warned. “After all, you made me addicted, and I need my regular fixes now.”

Kento grinned, and I pressed our lips together again. 


End file.
